73 Intrusion

A man whose wife has just given birth will act quite foolishly.  So it is that I have chosen to sit within the sight of a tramp whose shirt is unbuttoned to the waist.  His breast stares across the space of two tables, and as though he has taken a liking to my meal, he says how do you do.

I reply everything's fine, but my wife has had kittens.

He nods a bit, and says, can I ask you a question.

My wife has had kittens I answer, now please, for her sake button your shirt.  I squeeze my sandwich so that the melted cheese spills onto my lap.

Without offering me a napkin he asks for a cigarette.

I reply someone must nurse the kittens, and sir, your breast is too exposed and no thank-you, I don't smoke.

His shirt is slipping off his left shoulder and I bend down to pick up a few french fries which have stumbled into the ketchup.  My reddened eyes wander towards a respectable pair of buttocks...

He repeats, how are you.

Sir, I am quite offended!  There you sit in violation of my right not to stare at your naked chest and I am gentleman enough to look away whereupon you violate my listening right as well.  I have already explained about my wife...

Can I ask you a question, he says.  By now his shirt has quite disappeared from his back, and it thumps cautiously but boldly towards my table.

I pick up a handful of fries for support and once more explain that my wife has had kittens and I am not feeling well with his unbuttoned shirt.

Can you spare a quarter?

Sir! I reply, I do not enjoy your intrusion of my meal.

God bless you, he says.  Are you finished eating now?

His shirt has climbed upon my back.  As its arms squeeze my throat a bit, I say to myself O dear what will become of three fatherless kittens?

"The Intruder" from The Collection inspired by S. Gibb's Alone